First About Ryan J Chilcott: Written by Wendy (Chilcott) Ritz

Where oh where do I begin?  I knew he was special from the moment he was growing inside my belly.  My 3rd child, totally unplanned.  What a tremendous surprise being pregnant again and the anticipation of his arrival and the excitement grew with each passing month!  My daughter Karissa was 13 yr's old at the time and my son Nicholas was 9 yr's old when Ryan was born on 3/13/03.  Sadly, I had a horrific long drawn out labor which resulted in an emergency c-section due to complications.  Not at all what I envisioned since my last 2 births were natural.  Ryan was a healthy beautiful baby weighing almost 9 pounds.  As a c-section baby he resembled a little cherub angel as a newborn.  My children fell head over heels in love with their baby brother as we all did.

 Ryan went through some challenges as a toddler and we were worried and panicked that perhaps he had pervasive developmental disorder. After getting him special services to assist his "delays" it was then when I got to witness our first miracle.  We soon came to find out that Ryan was a brilliant child.  Some call it gifted...I just call it blessed.  Ryan started recognizing and stating the letters of the alphabet at 2 and by 3 1/2 years old he was reading & spelling words.  He had so many routines and OCD behaviors which often correlates with high IQ.  I challenged Ryan at home in his learning and helped him to work through his OCD behaviors.   I never wanted Ryan to skip grades in school because I was a teacher and felt that socially he needed to be with children his own age.  He was extremely shy up until around 3rd grade.  He continued to thrive in school and we soon found out that he had a photographic memory.  

Ryan started playing piano at 4yr's old and continued on with his passion of music and learned to play the violin, electric guitar, acoustic guitar & banjo.  Ryan had a loving close bond with both his brother and sister.   The age difference never interfered with the closeness they all shared.  Ryan was all about "family" and was the first to express just how much he loved & appreciated us.  He would often write us handwritten cards expressing his love and gratefulness.  He was thoughtful and generous and loved making treasured keepsakes for his family members as he got older including  (clocks, jewelry boxes, cutting boards and even a lamp).  He also loved spending all his hard earned money purchasing Christmas gifts for his family.  He had a deep passion for so many things.  Some of those being: Music, History, Politics, His church, God, working on cars, inventing things, writing, reading, woodworking, fishing, Star Wars, Video Games, Antique Store shopping & he loved to go to rock concerts with his dad.  He was also the most humble and grateful human being I have ever met.  

Ryan was so sentimental.  He took care of everything he had.  Everything he had was organized and well kept.  He had every card ever given to him in his nightstand drawer.  Some he even re-taped back up in their original envelope.  Ryan was a "foodie" and loved to eat.  He would try everything!  He wanted to make sure he would have all my recipes so that he could make the same meals for the family he talked about having one day.  He so appreciated a home cooked meal and would make sure to always thank me for every meal I ever put in front of him.  He often offered to do dishes after we ate and I remember vividly how he'd put the water stream very low in order to conserve water. Oh the little things!!!  

He was the kind of kid who would approach a Vietnam Vet and thank them for their service.  He was the kind of kid that would pull over behind a car that was broken down with a flat tire to offer assistance.  He was always offering a helping hand.  He was always offering a kind word.  He was always spreading love and kindness because it's who he was.  He was safe, sensible, reliable, independent and cautious when approaching something new.  He was a jack of all trades.  He knew about most things and just had such a diverse knowledge for a young man his age.

 Ryan owned a flip phone.  He disliked social media and said he never wanted to be addicted to a phone.  He would often tease me and say, "Are you on "Fakebook" again?"  He also called Instagram "Instascam".  It always cracked me up.  He often impressed me with his views on the world.   He had a Godly way at seeing the world and people.  He just had a depth of wisdom and maturation that cannot be explained.  Ryan had an extremely sensitive soul which was balanced out by one heck of a sense of humor.  I wonder now if he often hid any pain he was feeling behind his huge smile. We all are pretty good at masking our pain.  He loved to make others laugh and he loved to make a fool of himself.   He often repeated verses from Elf & The Grinch with his Jim Carrey lines in his best accent.  I'd do anything to hear those again.

 I remember Ryan being so eager to get his learner's permit.  He didn't want to waste any time.  He attended Driver's Ed & was a cautious new driver.  After Ryan got his driver's license my husband and I sat down with him to discuss helping him buy his first car.  He actually became a little angry at us and insisted that he didn't want our help and that he'd be paying for his own car and that's exactly what he did!  That's our Ryan!    While in college he went to the training dental program to get his teeth cleaned for free. He was obsessed about his teeth and never had a cavity.  To this day I still crack up about the day he came home from college and told me his teeth were so sore.  His gums were all swollen and when he told me why I said,  "Ryan why on earth would you be a "guinea pig" at College?!"  "For goodness sake I'll pay for you to see the dental hygienist and dentist!."  He said, "Think about the money I'm saving you!".  That's the kind of kid he was.  Always thinking of everyone else but himself.  I remember the day I found awards in his bedroom drawer for graduation that he didn't wear because he never wanted to make a big deal of anything....certainly not himself.  

Ryan was going to College at HVCC to begin his degree in electrical engineering.  He was dedicated to his studies and would often stay at the library until 4:30 pm so that he would get most of his work done before coming home.  He did this because he said he didn't want to get distracted at home.  He was so self-disciplined.   I always told him he would go far in life with that attitude.  He would just smile and say thanks mom.  He worked part time on the weekends.  He always kept busy.  He was re-doing an old jeep that would become his 2nd vehicle.   He had ordered parts for it online and was looking forward to re-painting it himself.  I even asked him if I could help with the paint job just less than 43 hours before his death.  He was currently working on an invention through the knowledge of his electrical engineering classes.  He also auditioned to play guitar in our church band just weeks before he took his life.  

As much as I admired my son's knowledge I was more impressed with his faith.  He always carried a bible in his school backpack and I felt like he was dedicated to be a fully devoted follower of Christ.  His faith was a huge part of his life.  This is where my perception led to deception.  I thought my son was protected because of his faith and because of his thriving drive in every area of his life.  Every parent needs to know this fact, "No one is immune or protected from suicide."  

Ryan didn't engage in the college party scene.  It just wasn't his thing.  He did not like the taste of alcohol.  Not that he didn't try it in the past but he always thought it was poison.  Ryan wouldn't even eat sugar for he thought it was toxic to the body as well.  He was definitely health conscientious.  He would even be reluctant at times to take Advil for a headache.   So know that he did not do drugs and that he was not a fan of those that did.   I called him my "gentle giant" at 6' 1".  He had an old soul.  He was sweet, kind, gentle, passionate about the things he loved and when he loved you he loved with his whole heart.   He was smart, funny, caring, generous, sensitive, sentimental, grateful, humble & a true gentleman.   The world does not shine as bright without him in it.  Our home is quiet and our family is forever broken.  It can never go back to what it once was.  Our lives will never be the same and we will never be the same but we press on for Ryan.  We live with him on our minds and in our hearts 24/7.